Honolulu Lite
Friday, November 13, 1998
Geckos are nature’s
little hit menLARRY Manetti, the former "Magnum P.I." co-star, is working on a book about life behind the scenes of the show. I was flipping through an uncorrected proof of it with our entertainment writer Tim Ryan last week, hooting at some of his memories.
Hooting, because some of them are pretty wild, like when he describes the waters around Oahu as simply teeming with sharks. Manetti says that once, during a scene in the ocean with Tom Selleck, he was brushed by a 20-something-foot shark.
Maybe Manetti did have a close encounter with a shark, but it seems odd that about 30 pages later, he admits he made up an almost identical shark story for a national gossip newspaper.
One story I don't think he made up was that the one in which he rented a beachfront house for several thousand dollars a month, but moved out after a large cane spider came walking in through an open doorway. He and his wife simply could not live in a place infested with spiders the size of your hand.
It doesn't matter that cane spiders generally end up inside houses by accident and infrequently at that. What matters is that many people from the mainland can't understand what it's like to live in a place where the outdoors are sometimes indoors.
I have heard stories of college athletes who have quit the University of Hawaii and returned home after seeing one good-sized cockroach. I've had visitors reel back in horror at the sight of a run-of-mill gecko scurrying across the wall.
And I have to admit, the first time my brothers and I saw termites swarming around our house back in high school we freaked out, believing the end of the world was at hand.
NOW, I view geckos as a vital part of my household ecosystem. Sure, they poop all over the place, but they gobble up bugs left and right. If we didn't have geckos, someone would try to invent self-propelled, miniature, insect-tracking and elimination robots which couldn't do the job as well or as stealthily as geckos.
What we don't realize is that the rest of the country isn't like us. Houses are supposed to be hermetically sealed environments where anything that moves -- other than pets or humans -- is an unwanted alien intruder.
There are some places like that in Hawaii, but I haven't been in many of them. Instead, most of us have reached a level of detente with local wildlife that generally allows for peaceful co-existence, as long as the critters don't abuse the privilege.
For instance, one or two ants on the counter are expected. A line of 3,000 ants leading from the garage to the dog dish is a no-no.
Geckos who hide behind wall-hangings and only come out to snap up mosquitoes and other non-A-list insects are OK. Geckos who crawl across your back at night while you sleep get free airfare to the back yard.
Roaches the size of rubber slippers and, yes, Mr. Manetti, cane spiders, should be reminded that they are to remain outdoors. Those who do intrude, either on purpose or inadvertently, must be made an example of and dispatched with a severity so swift that it sends an unmistakable message to the rest of their species.
Centipedes, however, are a special case. Centipedes are mean, sneaky and heavily armed. They are to be wiped out wherever they may be found. If one enters the premises, then you must search out its relatives outside and prosecute them fully, with malice aforethought, extreme prejudice and, if handy, a machete.
And most importantly, Mr. Manetti, you never, ever let them drive you from a perfectly good beach house.
Charles Memminger, winner of
National Society of Newspaper Columnists
awards in 1994 and 1992, writes "Honolulu Lite"
Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Write to him at the Honolulu Star-Bulletin,
P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802
or send E-mail to charley@nomayo.com or
71224.113@compuserve.com.
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